Brendan's Story
I have a diagnosis now of cyclothymia and an anxiety disorder, both have provided me with useful context for the way I interact with the world.
"Reach out, ask for help, and fuck gendered expectations of masculinity."
About Brendan:
My name is Brendan Barlow, I am a 33-year-old social worker, a knitter, a board gamer and I run a hand dyed yarn shop with my wife, called Partea Knits. I also write about metal at NoobHeavy.com. I live in Northern BC with my wife, our dog, and our three cats.
WHAT WAS THE MAJOR TURNING POINT IN YOUR RECOVERY FROM DEPRESSION?
While I wouldn’t say that I have recovered from depression, a major turning point in getting a handle on my mental health was reaching out and finally getting a diagnosis. I used to assume that generally knowing something was wrong was enough, and that I should power through it and tough it out. I now have a diagnosis of cyclothymia and an anxiety disorder, both of which have provided me with such useful context for the way I interact with the world.
WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT REALLY HELPED?
Medication
- This might sound glib but, for me, the difference that medication has made in my specific situation has been like night and day. At 33 years old I was prescribed an antidepressant and an anti-anxiety medication, and the two combined with the knowledge of what is happening in my brain, have made such a tremendous difference. I have tried to tough it out, tried some counselling, tried self-medicating – sometimes likely doing more harm than good.
Awareness
- The other thing that has helped is awareness, the knowledge gained from something as simple as knowing my diagnosis and having a plan to move forward was such a huge turning point and so validating. I had assumed some flavour of depression and/or anxiety and carried that in my head but never really moved farther, figuring they were things you could “tough out”. Knowledge really is such a powerful tool in your own mental health.
WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER GUYS FIGHTING DEPRESSION?
Reach out, ask for help, and fuck gendered expectations of masculinity. The stigma around men’s mental health is an undeniable one, and there are so many toxic pressures on men to present a certain way no matter how they’re doing. Don’t do this. If you’re feeling like something is wrong and you can’t quite pin down why – or even if you can pin down why – find someone you trust who you can talk to, be it professional or personal connections. I’m not going to advocate for medication as a fix-all, but maybe it is something to talk to your doctor about.
Also, honestly, let yourself feel how you’re feeling and let yourself be vulnerable. No one is impressed if you can tough it out until you lash out in anger, your stoicism is not heroic. Reach out and hold on. Know that I see you, and that we see you. Even when it doesn’t feel like that’s the case.
– Brendan Barlow, @MothraInnocent, Hazelton, BC, Canada 